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"The O.C." Quotes [entries|friends|calendar]
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We've been on the run
Driving in the sun
Looking out for #1
California here we come
Right back where we started from

Julie: Why wouldn't America be fascinated with the lives of Orange County's rich and glamorous? We're all beautiful and we're all dysfunctional.

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213 - The Test [17 Feb 2005|10:23pm]
Julie: And I told you, you have nothing to worry about. I will take care of that. I saw that, Kirsten.

Julie: You should get another glass of champagne. 'Cause this is one surprise you won't find posted on the internet.

Kirsten: Have you seen Seth?
Sandy: Well I've smelled him. Smells like Teen Spirit to me.

Lindsay: You should have seen the look she gave me. Like I was some sort of scheming fortune hunter.
Ryan: Well, that's what she understands.

Lindsay (about Julie): We should put garlic up in case she comes back.

Lindsay: I don't need to take a test. 'Cause I know that my real dad wouldn't treat me this way.

Ryan (about Seth's obession with Zach and Summer): No, Seth, you can't ask her. It's weird and it's creepy and it's none of your business.

Ryan (about the movie): He tries to do good but he usually ends up destroying everything.
Sandy: Ah, good. My kinda hero.

Sandy: The FBI was here.
Kirsten: Well it wouldn't be the Cohen house if didn't have law enforcement.

Seth: I think closure's overrated. I'm more of a fan of open unrequited love.

Seth: I'm gonna go home; watch VH1. I think Best Week Ever's on.

Seth: Do you not see what's going on here?
Ryan: Yes. You're wallowing.

Summer: Party at Caleb's. That sounds awesome.

Summer (on the phone with Zach):I haven't seen Cohen, why? Well he always smells kind of weird.

Summer: I'm only saying this for the people that live with you: take a shower, Cohen. Zach and I didn't have sex.

Summer: Alex? Seth's Alex? Girl Alex?

Summer (hugging Marissa): This isn't turning you on, right?

Summer: See ya, Cohen.
Seth: See ya, Summer.
boob approval

212 - The Lonely Hearts Club [17 Feb 2005|10:17pm]
Alex (to Marissa): Next week when we don't have Hallmark breathing down our necks, we'll go out. Cool?

Caleb: I understand [Ryan] is handy with an adverb.

Caleb: Thank you, Ryan. I relaize it wasn't easy to string so many words together.

Caleb (to Ryan): What is this, 'The Color Of Money'? That's absurd.

Caleb about Ryan: Setting fires... impregnating teenage girls...

Julie: What if I took away your Blackberry. And your cellphone?

Julie to Marissa: Are you going to throw your bedroom furniture in the pool now?

Julie: Lets have dinner, just the two of us.
Marissa No thanks mom, I'm not that lame.

Kirsten: Don't try to get off on a technicality. This about our marriage.

Lindsay (to Ryan): You don't want to be alone on Valentine's Day. Aww, you are such a girl.

Marissa (to Julie): Come on mom, if you two can't make it, no one can.

Marissa: I thought you said no dating on Valentine's Day.
Alex: Screw it.

Sandy (to Rebecca): There are days I think Kirsten and I are bulletproof. I don't want to test that theory.

Seth: Our noses grazed. And it was like the most sexually charged nose-graze in the history of nose grazes. It's essentially nose-humping, is what it is.

Seth: (to Ryan) Help a brother out. This guy's got mad valentine's day skills, bitch.
Sandy: Word, son.

Seth (to Ryan): That's emotional child's play compared to what we're dealing with now.

Seth (to Ryan about Sandy): Looks like I'm not the only one at odds with the universe.

Seth: After today, how I acted, Ryan, I don't think I'd get back together with me.

Seth: I'd be a little more confident of me and Summer... if we hadn't made out.
Ryan: You guys made out?
Seth: No.

Seth: So, for Valentine's Day, you're givin Lindsay ... grandpa?

Summer: You know what? My teeth are all plaque-y. I'm gonna go for a last-minute floss.

Summer (about her earrings): Do you think these are too bling for a meeting?

Zach (to summer about Seth): I don't think he's ever going to get over you. I've kind of accepted that.

Zach: I've got directions, I've got snacks.

Zach: Summer, who is it?
Summer: Obviously, it doesn't matter.
boob approval

211- The Second Chance [05 Feb 2005|05:14pm]
Alex: Who knew you Harbor girls could throw down.
Marissa: Yeah, well, I'm not like the other girls.
Alex: Well, then I guess it's about time I show you the meth lab in the basement.
Marissa: I thought you'd never ask.

Alex (to Seth): We were each other's in-between people. You helped me get over Jodie and I helped you get over Summer.

Alex: Nice house!
Seth: It's good for vacations and weekends and stuff.

Caleb: You know that... Yogalates or... Cardiobar... or whatever you've been up to are working wonders on your figure. And that Talbots it's so... fetching.

Caleb (to Kirsten and Lindsay): Now that I have a second chance... I'd like a second chance.

Kirsten: Well didn't you use that Luke Skywalker/Darth Vader analogy?
Ryan: She poked a serious hole in that analogy.

Kirsten: Listen, nobody has been crushed by our dad more than me.
Lindsay: Hey, well, there's a club I want to join.

Kirsten (after Caleb's heart attack): That's the last time I try cooking.

Kirsten (to Ryan about Caleb): He must have her confused with my other sister... or his wife.
Sandy (to Rebecca): I can see how that might salt your game.

Kirsten (to Lindsay): I've never been able to figure him out, but maybe we can figure it out... together.

Lindsay: If it makes you feel any better, I never thought I even liked you until I thought I lost you.

Lindsay (to Ryan about Caleb): I know that he is going to like you, I mean, how could he not.

Rebecca (to Sandy): Happen to have a bong handy?

Rebecca: Sandy, is that you?
Kirsten: Rebecca?

Ryan: Is this about Alex?
Seth: Ah, no no. She's merely kitchen table fodder at this point. She's no longer up to poolhouse standard.

Ryan: Look, I'm not the biggest fan of your dad—no offense—but I mean Luke Skywalker was happy to have a dad, even if it was Darth Vader.
Kirsten: You're right, she needs a dad.

Ryan: Luke Skywalker was still happy to find his dad, even if he was Darth Vader.
Lindsay: Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader fought with light sabers until one of them died.

Ryan (to Caleb): Right, because there are no musicals in Chino.

Ryan: You don't want a relationship with Julie Cooper, do you? 'Cause I don't think we'd ever see each other.

Sandy: Yeah, while I'm harboring a fugitive I'll go score some pot on the street.

Sandy: I can see how that might salt your game.
Rebekah: "Salt my game"? Is that how they talk in Orange County?
Sandy: Stick around, you'll be saying "rad" in no time.

Seth: So I'm just complaining because I have nothing to complain about.

Seth (to Summer): I always say every four-legged sidekick needs a cape.

Seth: Okay, the way you're holding the pencil, you're choking it.
Summer: I am not! This pencil can breathe on its own!

Summer: Okay, let's be more professional! Less drooling, more drawing. And don't give me any junk in the trunk, either.

Summer (to Seth): Wow, alcoholism as a super power. That's an interesting take.

Summer (to Seth): If it was up to you I'd be wearing shredded jeans and pasties.

Summer (to Marissa): It wasn't an almost-kiss, it was a nose graze.

Summer (to Marissa): You are you, you are single and you have a cute nose so why not put it out there.

Summer: Oh, I will compromise your vision. Do not forget my rage-blackouts!

Zach: And Cohen, you gotta nail Summer!
Seth: What?!
Summer: Excuse me?
boob approval

210 - The Accomplice [31 Jan 2005|07:50pm]
Alex (on the phone with Marissa): Are you calling me from outside my door? Because that would be... (sees Seth) creepy.

Alex: Sorry, I would have introduced you guys, but I didn't want you two to meet.

Alex (to Seth): Doesn't anyone go to school anymore?

Alex: I don't do relationships.
Seth: Well you did Jodi, so to speak.

Caleb (to Ryan): You've already scammed your way into one of my daughters lives. Why stop there?

Caleb: So how's your father? Is he still in jail?
Ryan: And you would be too if it weren't for Sandy, so I guess we're both better off.

Caleb: I haven't always been the best father.
Kirsten: Pretty much... no.

Gail: As you can see, t's a bit of a fixer-upper.
Kirsten: That's one way to put it.
Sandy: Who are you kidding, Gail? This place is a first-class dump. And I like it!

Kirsten (to Sandy): Sandy, this is a surf shack, not an office.

Kirsten (to Sandy): I'm sorry. It was a long time ago. Maybe I need to let go of her too.

Kirsten: You're going to prison?
Sandy: Oh, just for the day.

Lindsay: (about Caleb) According to the OC Weekly, he's pretty much everything that's wrong with western civilization, all wrapped up in one guy.

Marissa So you and Seth are..
Alex: Friends... someday... I hope.
Marissa: And what about Jodi?
Alex: Over. Finished

Marissa: You're not my father, Cal. You know what, if you want to be a parent go over to Lindsay's house and try to ruin hers.

Marissa: Breakups huh?
Jodi: Get ready, you're next.

Marissa: What are you doing here?
Caleb: You're not at school.
Marissa: Yeah, well you're not at work.

Professor Bloom (to Sandy): I was under the impression you'd become a successful lawyer.

Ryan: She's been asking questions about you. Who you are, what you're like. And though I told her, she still wants to get to know you.

Ryan: How'd things go with Zach?
Seth: Well they were going well until Summer discovered my sketchbook.
Ryan: What? What'd she do?
Seth: Well I thought she was going to get a restraining order, but she was cool with it.

Sandy: So you're not going to help me?
Joe: Oh I can't. You see Rebecca is dead.

Seth: I know. I'm sorry. It's was just a very long summer. I'll find my X-Acto knife and destroy them immediately.

Seth: You don't mind?
Summer: Not as long as I have boob approval.

Seth: Turns out I don't make a very convincing Super Hero.

Seth: (about Ryan's comicbook identity) Hey, Bryan Gatwood, AKA Kid Chino, a strong but silent youth from the wrong side of the tracks, who when provoked unleashes his fists of fury.

Seth (to Zach and Ryan): Is she back with her lesbian ex - and if so, are they open to some sort of menage a three-way?

Summer: I don't wanna hear it. What are you guys? Like Cavalier and Gay?
Seth (amused and impressed): That was funny.
Summer (indignant): I know.

Summer (about the purloined sketchbook of her): Princess Sparkle, you are not going to believe this.

Summer (to Seth): The boobs are a little big.

Summer (to Seth): I'm going to let you get back to work 'cause I expect my own action figure by Chrismukkah.

Zach: You should just focus on the good stuff in your life. Like school. (Seth grimaces.) Or... comics. Yeah, I got nothing.
boob approval

209 - The Ex-Factor [23 Jan 2005|01:19pm]
Alex (to Seth): She's kinda a pain in the ass, but maybe that's my type.

Julie: It would be hard for Sandy's news to top the best idea ever.

Julie (to Kirsten, Caleb & Sandy): Why wouldn't America be fascinated with the lives of Orange County's rich and glamorous? We're all beautiful and we're all dysfunctional.

Kirsten to Julie: Oh my. There's so much you here.

Kirsten: We have ordered enough for a small army.

Kirsten: You've earned more than a massage.
Sandy: Where I come from that could only mean one thing.

Lindsay (to Ryan about Marissa): Yeah, me and the Cosmo girl, that wouldn't be weird at all.

Marissa (to Summer): Oh my God, I loved Full House, but then my favorite charactor was DJ so that's ruined.

Marissa (to Ryan): Clearly its going to be strange for us for a while.

Ryan: Have you heard about it?
Seth: Heard about it? I have an 80-foot mock-up in my front something.

Ryan (to a very drunk Lindsay): How much did you drink tonight?
Lindsay: I dunno, as much as Marissa.
Ryan: That's a lot.

Sandy: Okay, honey, I don't want to alarm you, but there's a giant Julie Cooper on the table.

Sandy: It's my fault. I've once again gotten caught up in this nasty game of Hungry, Hungry Hippo.

Sandy: Ask me while you're giving me the massage. I'm inclined to say yes.

Seth (to Alex): Well, part of the ABCs of the X is to step aside for the I and the U.


Seth (to Zach): Listen to me, Okay. Tonight Newport is our bitch.

Seth: I've got a lot of testosterone pumping. Testosterone being the key ingredient missing in Alex's previous relationship.

Seth (about Alex's ex): Did you meet the ex? I know you did.
Ryan: Alright, yes I did!
Seth: And? Who is he?
Ryan: He? He's a she.
Seth (about Alex's ex being a girl): There's only one thing I can do to make it ok.
Zack: You're gonna hook up with a guy?

Seth (to Phillip): I'm sorry. Sometimes Bruce Banner turns into the Hulk.

Seth (to Ryan): Dude, I'm a man in the desert. I'm dying of thirst and you've got a thermos of Kool-Aid. Gimme a sip.


Seth (to Alex): So where is she 'cause I will totally fight a girl.

Seth (to Alex): The hair, the tattoos, the whiskey and cigarettes for breakfast. Well, I've seen the Banger Sisters and I know how the story ends.

Seth: I know I should apologize. It's just my pride.
Ryan: What pride?
Seth: Yeah, I guess there's nothing standing in my way.

Summer: Zach's turning the locker room into a Lifetime movie.

Summer (to Zach): I love surprises. Especially if they're named Jimmy Choo.

Summer (to Zach): Am I about to get whacked?

Summer (to Zach): I'm sorry for being Ultra-Bitch 2000 tonight.

Zach (to Seth & Ryan): Have you seen the infomercials for Girls Gone Wild. Because this is exactly how they get started.
boob approval

208 - The Power of Love [16 Jan 2005|06:28pm]
Alex (to Seth): Sure you don't want to stick around for a little home schooling?

Alex: I've never listened to my own parents. Suddenly I feel compelled to listen to yours.
Seth: Sandy Cohen has that effect on people.

Alex (to Seth): What's the point Seth? It's not like they're ever going to approve of me.

Caleb (to Julie): We are far from the perfect family. I see no reason to lie about it publicly.

DJ: I’m not saying you didn’t like me. Just not as much as you hate her.

Julie: This photo shoot is important. You could at least feign interest.
Caleb: That's exactly what I'm doing.

Julie (to DJ): The Nichol on the end of my last name means that I can write you a check with a few zeroes on the end of it.

Kirsten: You planned all this?
Sandy: I prefer the term orchestrated.

Kirsten: Lovely tattoo.
Alex: Thanks. Your husband rocks by the way.
Kirsten: Please don't tell him that.

Lindsey: Great. Two hours ago I had a sister and a boyfriend. Now all I have are friends.

Marissa: Who's Kofi Annan?
Summer: Some guy Zach's mom knows. I think he works for United Airlines.

Sandy: Nothing like a little Julie Cooper to strike terror in the hearts of children everywhere.

Sandy: Who forgets their 20th Anniversary?
Kirsten: Apparently you!

Sandy: It's Bill O'Reilly, that will be punishment enough!

Sandy: Yeah, but seeing how he’s a teenage boy and you’ve got tattoos and run a rock and roll club, I’m not expecting any miracles.

Sandy (to Kirsten): Look on the bright side, we get all of this out of the way before Valentine's Day.

Sandy (to Kirsten): We can't fight a war on multiple fronts. Have we learned nothing from the Nazis?

Sandy (to Alex): I'm not the cops. Much worse - I'm Seth's dad.

Seth (to Alex): I'm here for my after school tutorial on the art of gettin' it on.

Seth (to Ryan): The key to lying is to remain vague. Have I taught you nothing?

Seth: If you're alone, cough twice.
Ryan: I'm alone.

Seth: I call this part "prepping the oven."

Summer (to Marissa): It wasn't supposed to happen like this. I was supposed to have sex first.

Summer (to Marissa): What's French for 'let's have sex'? Voulez poulez something. Why can't they teach us stuff we need?

Zach: Have you seen the new Whedon X-men?
boob approval

207 - Family Ties [08 Jan 2005|09:58pm]
Alex: Ryan, you have to take Seth home right now. He is, like, wasted, and causing a path of destruction all over the place.

Alex (to Seth): I've been with a lot of bad boys and you aren't one of them. See you're a good guy and thats why I like you.

Caleb: I know I've got some work to do on my relationship with my daughter.
Sandy: Now, which daughter are we talking about?

Caleb: Now that the scandal's gone, there's no reason for me to distance myself from the Newport Group.
Sandy: Except for the fact that the woman running the company hates you.
Caleb: Which woman are we talking about?

Jimmy (to Sandy and Kirsten): I need to get out of here before I do any more damage to myself or my kids... and to Julie.

Jimmy: I've fallen in love with my ex-wife.
Sandy: You were married before Julie?
Kirsten: You're in love with Julie?
Sandy: I don't believe that.
Kirsten: Oh, unfortunately, I do.

Jimmy: You're right. I need to learn how to be a real dad. So I'm... leaving.

Jimmy: Are you okay?
Marissa: Uh huh, totally. I mean, you were the last thing keeping me sane, so when you leave it should be interesting to see how things go.

Julie: What if it wasn't my life? What if I could just walk away from it?
Jimmy: Well that depends on what you're walking away to.

Lindsay: You're giving me the pinky?
Ryan: I'm not too much into public displays of affection.

Kirsten: Oh if it isn't my son, the wino.
Seth: You guys found out.
Kirsten: You weren't exactly stealth about it.

Marissa (to Jimmy): You know just for once, I wish you would just grow up and act like a real dad.

Marissa: I brought bagels.
Sandy: Well that's the secret password into the Cohen household.

Marissa: Well, if it isn't the Wicked Witch of the West Coast.

Marissa: Come on DJ, before she tries to sleep with you too.

Marissa (to Jimmy and Julie): Of course I'm screwed up. I'm the daughter of a thief and a slut. I just hate you two so much.

Lindsay: So you want me to kiss you as an experiment?

Ryan: Maybe we should just keep it to ourselves for now.
Lindsay: At least until we find out if we're breaking any laws.

Ryan: You realize we're screwed.
Seth: Dude, I'm wearing a wifebeater.

Ryan: Talk to Alex.
Seth: She won't answer my calls.
Ryan: Hm. Must be all the vomit.

Lindsay: I don't want this to be like kissing your sister.
Ryan: The thought never crossed my mind.

Sandy: What's going on? (Trash cans crash) Seth?
Seth: Shh! We're being stealth! (tries to roll across the front of the car. And fails.)

Sandy (to Ryan and Seth): I guess it's too soon to joke, even for a Cohen.

Seth: Hey, man, what's going on?
Ryan: Studying.
Seth: Would you punch someone, please, for old time's sake?

Seth (to Alex): I'm trying to do the math here, and well, I have some questions.

Seth (to Ryan and Kirsten): Ah a sister. I've always wanted one of those. Ryan, how about you?

Seth (to Ryan): It's a tale as old as time. Boy meets girl boy likes girl, boy finds out girl is surrogate mom's illegitimate step-mom.

Seth: Hey dad how's the party? (whispers) I think somebody called the cops.

Seth (to Sandy and Ryan): Its like the more edgy and dangerous she was, the more like a Jewish grandmother I became... Bruce Banner gets mad -- he turns into the Hulk. I try it and turn into some seventy-five year old yenta.

Seth (to Ryan): How much vomit is that? Like the little girl in the Sixth Sense or the fat guy in Monty Python?

Seth (to Ryan): You're extra broodish. What's up?

Seth: Just came by to tell you I'm dying and... thank you for your friendship.

Seth (to Zach): Holy eighties teen comedy plot!

Summer (to Zach): Hooking up with your tutor... She could've at least been a prostitute who helped you get into Princeton.

Summer (to Seth): Eww! You're like, so sweaty. Wait, your breath smells like Marissa. You are so drunk!

Summer: Actually, I'm going alone. But if I change my mind I'll have Cohen get drunk and let you know.
boob approval

206 - The Chrismukkah That Almost Wasn't [21 Dec 2004|01:34am]
Caleb: I don't know what I should say.
(Kirsten slaps him)
Kirsten: I want you out of my house.

Jimmy: What are we doing? Are we making a huge mistake?
Julie: Yeah, but I want to be with you.

Julie (to Caleb): You and your secrets Cal - you need a walk-in closet for all of your skeletons.

Kirsten: You gonna answer it?
Julie: Oh, no. It's just Jimmy.
Kirsten: I thought you two were getting along really well.
Julie: What makes you say that?
Kirsten: Last week, when you said that you and Jimmy were getting along really well.

(after being late for a meeting due to being with Jimmy)
Kirsten: Julie are you okay? You seem a little frazzled.
Julie: Yeah, well, I didn't get to blow my hair out this morning so...
Kirsten: I said frazzled, not frizzy.

Lindsay (to Ryan): I think it's best if we don't see each other anymore. I don't want to be anywhere near your family, but thanks for dropping by. Happy Holidays!

Lindsay (to Ryan): Every kid grows up, stops believing in Santa. I grew up, stopped believing in my dad.

Marissa: Last year the holidays were so fun.
Summer: Yeah, I got rejected by Cohen in a Wonder Woman costume and you were caught shoplifting.

Renee (to Lindsay): Are you sure you want to do this, I mean we hate the holidays. That is our pact.

Ryan (to Lindsay): He's even invented his own super holiday, Chrismukkah. Eight days of gifts followed by one day of many, many gifts.

(after Sandy tells them it is best not to invite Lindsay for Chrismukkah as she is involved in Caleb's case)
Ryan: Yeah, okay. Except, I mean, what does Lindsay have to do with Caleb's case? What is she like, Caleb's hit man, drug dealer?
Seth: Illegitimate love child?
(Sandy glares, confirming Seth's comment)

Ryan: You mind if I talk to her?
Sandy: It's your life.

Sandy: Facing Kirsten and Julie has got to be better than going to jail.
Caleb: Kirsten maybe, not Julie.

Sandy: So you really like her?
Seth: He wants to see her naked. (looks at Ryan) Sorry!

Sandy: I've had so many clandestine meetings lately I feel like I'm in an Oliver Stone movie.

Seth (to Ryan): Holy Moses! It's beautiful.

Seth: Now, we're gonna have to really put our heads together and do some serious Jew-cruitment. Ryan, do you think you can rope in some Hebrews?
Ryan: Blonde hair, blue eyes. Yeah no problem, I'm a natural.
Seth: Fair point, my Aryan friend.

Seth (to Ryan): If my sense of the cultural zeitgeist is accurate, this is the year Chrismukkah sweeps the nation.

Seth: But I think you and I have a lot to be grateful for - mostly that we didn't start dating.
Lindsay: Yeah that would have been gross in so many ways.

Seth: My color code holiday alert system is on high alert. And you, you're tope.

Seth: I've invited the Nichols... or the Cooper-Nichols... or whatever they're called.

Seth: Father! Where are we going to find some Jews in Orange County?
Sandy: Leave me out of it.
Kirsten: Oy, humbug
Seth: Oy, humbug.

Seth (singing): Moses and Jesus, they both have beards.

Seth: For Chrismukkah to sweep the nation, we're gonna need an anthem.

Summer: Suddenly my family - not so dysfunctional.
Marissa: You do realize this is my family too.

Summer: My stepmom, she finds the pastel colors soothing.
Marissa: Hmm. She's on some interesting drugs these days.
Summer: Hmm. Which I will be keeping away from you.
02 . boob approval

205 - The SnO.C. [10 Dec 2004|05:19pm]
Alex: Why aren't you at the SnOC Winter Wank-off?

Alex (to Zach): She can't fall for you if you're not there to catch her.

Alex: Come on. We have a first aid kit back at the club.
Seth: The storeroom perhaps.
Alex: Do you want to get hit again?

DJ: You don't want to be distracted by... I don't know, finally introducing me to your friends.

Julie: Well I was easy to love back then. I was beautiful and much nicer.
Jimmy: C'mon, Jules. You're still beautiful. And you were never nice.

Julie (to Marissa and DJ): You're fired and you're grounded... you stay away from my daughter.

Julie: Jimmy, look.
Jimmy: Wow, she looks beautiful.
Julie: Yes, but more importantly she's with Ryan. Who right now looks like Prince Charming.

Kirsten: I don't want you getting into trouble over this.
Sandy: Oh, honey, I think it's a little late for that.

Lindsay (to Renee): Mom, what are you doing here?

Lindsay: He's going to think I'm crazy.
Seth: You're a girl. He expects it.

Lindsay (to Ryan): You're this tough kid from Chino who lives in this rich family's pool house with tan ex-girlfriend who is maybe the most intimidating beautiful girl in the history of high school.

Lindsay: (to Ryan): I don't even like dances, so have fun.

Marissa: I already told you, the Winter Ball is not his thing.
Ryan: Did he decide that or did you?

Marissa (to Ryan about Julie): She told you you were handsome? A year ago she wanted to have me committed because I was seeing you.

Ryan (to Lindsay): I know something we can do that doesn't involve a lot of talking.

Ryan: I know something we can do that doesn't involve a lot talking. (Cut to them playing video games)

Sandy (to Ryan): Never underestimate a parents ability to mortify his child.

Sandy (to Caleb): Well when you make a mistake, you really make a mistake.

Sandy: What could he have done that would be so terrible he'd rather go to jail?... Unless, life with Julie Cooper...

Sandy: Even if you were having an affair, 16 years is an awfully long time to be paying alimony... unless there's a child.

Seth (to Summer): Oh, right, you must be talking about Lindsay, not Alex, the one I made out with.

Seth (to Alex): By work you mean (coughs) make out.

Seth: You just kissed the beer man.
Alex: So was just a kiss. Right Mandy?
(Alex kisses Mandy)

Seth (to Alex): It's a shame you got there when you did 'cause I was getting ready to bring the hurt.

Seth: Ryan Atwood, afraid of a girl?
Ryan: I just might like her, and every time a big event happens...
Seth: Things go awry.

Seth: That is how lame I have become. I have to be third-wheel to not even a real relationship.

Seth: Hey, need a hand with something? Ryan, take a box. I've got to get to class.

Seth: The guy loves to dance.

Summer: You've gotta go Ice-Man on her ass.
Seth: Was that your first X-Men reference?
Summer: Top Gun.

Summer: It's okay. I'm listening.
Seth: Really?
Summer: Yeah. Kinda.

Summer: Just make sure she has good shoes so she doesn't hurt her ankles running away.
(Zach walks away)
Seth: Oh, you mean like him.

Zach (to Summer): Why don't you just ask Cohen. I'm sure he'd love to take you.

Zach: Even when you're not a couple, you'll always be a couple. You're Joanie and Chachi, Luke and Leah.
Seth: Um, Luke and Leah were brother and sister.
Zach: Yeah, well may the force be with you.

Zach: I'm sensing a low level of sarcasm here.
boob approval

204 - The New Era [08 Dec 2004|09:28pm]
Caleb: Well played, Magnum PI.

Caleb: Are you a frittata man?
Sandy: I'm fine.

Caleb (to Sandy): Let's break bread, let's discuss broads.

DJ: So, what, are we friends now?
Marissa: Judging by this conversation, probably not.

Jimmy: (to Julie) If there's one thing that you're good at, it's getting money from rich, old men. You've just... you gotta do it the Julie Cooper way. (pause) You know I don't mean sleep with him, right?

Jimmy (to Julie): You may not have Kirsten's experience or let's face it, any experience, but you're savvy.

Jimmy (to Julie): I never heard you admit to having faults before. This is fun.

Julie: Truth is, being CEO is a bitch.
Jimmy: Hmm. You'd think you'd be a natural.

Julie: Now I know I'm not your favorite person right now, but I have a way to make it up to you.
Kirsten: This can't be good.

Kirsten (to Sandy): You're in your pajamas. You've got orange Cheeto dust all over your chin. hat happened to my husband?

Kirsten: Oh, god. She just grazed an ass.
Jimmy: Ah, the not-so-subtle ass graze.

Lindsay (to Seth and Ryan): Classy and not remotely demeaning.

Marissa: It's a new era Summer. For the first time in years I have, like, no boy drama.

Ryan: She's argumentative... bossy.
Seth: Yeah, that's my type.

Ryan: Wow. Honest conversation with a girl. This is new to me.

Sandy: I tried to talk to Phyliss earlier, but I left my Ouija board at home.

Sandy (to Kirsten): We can let the gruesome twosome wreck our careers, or we can site here, watch obscene amounts of Dr. Phil and wreck them ourselves. Whaddya say?

Sandy: Today he sent me to go meet with his former assistant, Phyliss.
Kirsten: Phyliss died last year.
Sandy: Exactly. Literally, dead ends.

Seth: Man, I said I wanted to marry her, not date her okay?

Seth: Her with a tattoo, you with a wristband. That's like the ultimate-wrong-side-of-the-tracks love story.

Seth: My friend Ryan, he's really cool, okay? He's very anti-establishment. He enjoys sunset walks on the beach, punching people, and not smiling.
Alex: And that's how you see me?
Seth: Yeah. Except more so.

Seth to Summer: Can I talk to you for like, one minute? Zach, I'm really sorry
Zach: Oksy, I'm gonna go jump off the pier.

Seth: She was my shortie last year, but she got served.

Seth: So. To recap. I got disco-ed by two girls in one night, and unfortunately that's just, not the first time it's happened.

Seth: Oh. You think I'm cute.
Alex: When you're not talking.

Seth: I've redefined rock-bottom like several times tonight.

Seth: She's musical, she's witty, hopefully she's free for lunch.

Seth: You're the 50 Cent to her ... Mrs. Cent.

Summer: Cohen... Ryan.
Seth: I have a date
Summer: Wow! Have fun with Captain Oats.

Summer: Cohen has a date with a real live girl.

Summer: If Cohen is the virus, Zach is the cure. He is the anti-Cohen.

Zach (to Summer): Maybe you should go home, log onto some kind of Cohen chat room.
boob approval

203: The New Kids on the Block [08 Dec 2004|09:17pm]
Alex: That's sweet. It's pathetic but sweet.
Seth: Yeah, that's my niche. Pathetic but sweet.

Caleb: When I have champagne I get giggly.
Sandy: When do you ever get giggly?

Caleb: I just had the most vile, inhuman night of my life.
Sandy: For a guy who married Julie Cooper, that's saying something.

Jimmy: The woman I married wouldn't stand for that. Nobody puts Julie Cooper in a corner.

Julie: He's in prison.
Jimmy: So, you're gonna divorce him and take his kids.

Julie (to Caleb): As soon as I saw the paper, I walked right out of my seaweed wrap and I came here.

Julie (to Jimmy): You married me because I was pregnant. I married you because I loved you.

Kirsten: You quit?
Sandy: Quit slash got fired.

Lindsay (to Ryan): Yeah, I have to get rhinoplasty, but now I'll look like all the other girls here.

Lindsay (to Ryan): Oh yeah, you're not stupid at all.

Lindsay: I'm not here to make friends.
Ryan: Yeah, well mission accomplished.

Lindsay: Excuse me. I'm new. Is it okay to park here?
Bitchy Chick: Sure. If you're not too embarassed.

Lindsay: I'm just gonna go wring out my shirt, and stuff toilet paper up my nose, and now I'll fit in great.

Lindsay (to Ryan): The only reason I transferred to Harbor was so I could load up on AP courses, get accepted to Yale early and never have to look at another cheerleader or water polo player ever again.

Lindsay: So I've been thinking. I owe you an apology.
Ryan: You have to actually say the words. That's kinda how it works.Caleb: What do you suggest I do?
Sandy: I suggest you kind a way to make it up to Kirsten now. Unless you want Julie to be your lawyer too.

Marissa: Do you like this band?
Ryan: I like Journey.

Marissa (to Ryan): The last time we went to a concert, it, uh, didn't end so well.

Marissa (to Julie): If Caleb did go to jail then you'd be living on the streets and I could go back to living with Dad.

Marissa: So you're not over Seth?
Summer: Oh, I am! I've divested myself of all of Seth's material possessions. I'm vibrating, Coop, at an extremely Cohenless frequency.
Marissa: Ok, so then you don't really like Zach?
Summer: No! I mean yes! I don't, eww! Like, shut up!

Ryan: Don't worry. I promise to keep my hands to myself.
Lindsay It's your elbows I'm concerned about.

Ryan: You really are changing.
Seth Yeah, changing urinal cakes.

Sandy: Face it Caleb. It's time to get your Martha Stewart on.

Sandy: You're not exactly the ideal client.
Caleb: What, Rich? Powerful?
Sandy: Guilty.

Sandy (to Ryan): There is no more archevillian than an asthmatic mathlete.

Sandy: Does the light of dawn make any of this easier to take?
Kirsten: Harder, actually.

Sandy: She's agreed to an supervised visit. 20 minutes, max.
Caleb: She's my daughter, I don't need to be supervised.
Sandy: No, I'm supervising her. Because she might kill you.

Seth: Maybe I just can't be just friends with you.
Summer: Then maybe this is it for us.

Seth: This is the old Seth Cohen. I'm back man. Red, white, and me.

Seth (to Ryan): I may be selfless, but I'm still pretty stingy.

Seth (to Ryan): Oh come on. What? The only music they had in Chino was the sound of gunshots and helicopters?

Seth (to Ryan): Please dude. I just need to talk about me for just several more hours at least.

Seth (to Sandy): Ryan is now a science nerd and I am a blue collar worker.

Seth (to Marissa): I don't know. He's kind of a dork now.

Seth (to Marissa): If someone had told me last year that we'd be the two loneliest people in Newport, I wouldn't have believed them. At least not the you part.

Seth: The Bait Shop? Could be very un-CBGBs.

Seth: I have a mop, Ryan!
Ryan: You have a mop, Bro!

Seth: So, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to the urinals! (walks off whistling)
(Ryan stands there stoically as Seth wanders back the other way)
Seth: I don't know where they are.

Seth: How is Seth's hair right now?

Seth: Oh, my back. Personal growth is so painful.

Summer: Unless if you have a car with plutonium in it...So I can go back to last year and never date you, then I don't want it.

Summer: You're not supposed to bug me from 8-9 on Thursdays!

Summer (to Zack): Holy mack, you are like such an adult... are you like a robot?

Summer: Cohen, that was really sweet.
Seth: Pathetic and sweet?
Summer: No, just sweet.
boob approval

202: The Way We Were [15 Nov 2004|03:22pm]
Caleb: I'm going to bed. The pleasure is all yours, Sanford. Enjoy.

Caleb: No, I'm not dragging Sandy into anything. Before he put these eggs in front of me he was the closest thing I had to a friend in this town.

(phone rings)
Kirsten: Sandy...
Sandy (buttering bread): Honey, Im mid-smear!

Kirsten: How was school?
Seth: Ryan broke up with Marissa again
Ryan: Summer broke up with Seth again
Seth: Zach will never speak to us again!

Marissa: Ryan, we're not friends. We were never just friends.
Ryan: I guess that was the problem then. See ya.

Marissa: Come on, I can't wait to show you the house. And my mom's face when she sees you in it.

Ryan: I'm gonna brood. Silently. Over here.

Ryan (pointing at the Comic Book Club flyer): Who's this guy?
Seth: That's me with powers. The power to be handsome. What do you think?
Ryan: I think this has something to do with the whole outcast thing.

Ryan: If I hadn't left, then you guys would have still been together.
Summer: That isn't true. He would find some Cohen-y way to break us up. He can't help it. He's Cohen.

Sandy: Since when is Scotch part of a nutritious brunch?
Caleb: Since the DA's office finally decided they had enough to indict me.

Sandy: Have dinner with us. I won't cook, I promise. Although if Kirsten's mad enough at you, she might.

Seth: Grandpa, are you eating on the floor?
Caleb: Yes, it's come to this.

Seth (passing out flyers): Hey guys. Comic Book League. Check it out. We're gonna to be getting into the issues. The stuff that matters. You know what I mean? Check it out. Today's topic: capes. Gay, or really cool?

Seth: Ryan would you please take the minutes?
Ryan: Uh, Seth it's just us.
Seth: Yeah, uh huh. Write that down.

Seth (about Zach) : Dude, I love that guy.
Ryan: You're not the only one. (Points to Summer kissing Zach)
Seth: No. She cannot be dating him. That's not even possible. How can that be possible?
Ryan: A second ago you wanted to date him.

Seth: Especially now that she has the Zach Attack? The guy's like Superman.
Ryan: He's not like Superman.
Seth: The guy's like a thoroughbred.

Seth: You can see what she's doing can't you, she's basically dating the WASP version of me!

Seth: We could just not go.
Ryan: We can't not go. We're here.

Seth: I will bring these walls down with one single grand gesture!
Ryan: No! No grand gestures!

Summer (to Marissa): Just explain it to him. He left. And suddenly there was a hot, hot yard guy in the yard. He was hot.

Seth: We did good last year, you kissed Marissa on the Ferris Wheel, Summer threw up on my shoes...

Summer: Cohen. What are you doing?
Seth: Nothing. Why?
Summer: Looks like you're humping the hot dog stand.

Summer (smacking Seth): This isn't a game, Cohen. You could have gotten hurt.
Seth: Good thing I didn't.

Summer: What do you want from me Cohen?
Seth: I just want you.
Summer: No you don't. You had me. You had me at Chrismukkah in a freakin' Wonderwoman costume, and you chose Anna. You had me three months ago, and you left... It has nothing to do with me. It is about you, and it is always about you. What you need, and what you want, and you know, it seems you only want me when you can't have me. You like the chase and that's all. So you know what? You can have it.

Summer: Zach, don't listen to him, he reads comic books!
Zach: Yeah so do I...

(Marissa honks car horn at DJ signalling him to move his truck out of the driveway)
Summer: Do not honk at DJ, he's hot!
Marissa: He's the yard guy.
Summer: Well he can park his truck in my driveway anytime!

Zach: Hey, I'm here for the comic book club.
Seth: You are?
Ryan: You are?
Zach: Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?
Seth: Um... because you're on the water polo team?
Zach: What's that supposed to mean?
03 . boob approval

201: The Distance [07 Nov 2004|11:40pm]
Caleb (about Seth) : I don't get it, his best friend leaves so he runs off with another boy and his gay dad, you gotta admit, it sounds kinda strange.
Sandy: And this coming from a guy who is one click away from wearing a wig and a fake mustache.

Caleb: Do you hear a clicking on the phone? Every time I pick up the phone I hear a clicking.
Julie: Okay, Nixon. Paranoid, much? What's going on Cal? You're either hopped up on blow or something's seriously wrong.

Jimmy (about Hailey): Yeah we are doing great, she is fantastic, sweet, limber. How about you and Caleb?
Julie: Not so limber

Jimmy: So what's going on in your life?
Julie: Aside from our daughter being the spawn of Chucky and Keith Moon?

Julie: I’m taking Caitlin to look at new ponies
Caleb: What's wrong with China?
Julie: China has alopitia, I was hoping that the hair treatments would work but still bald as a baby's ass!

Julie: It's just not right for a little girl to love a hairless pony.

Kirsten (to Summer): For the record, if he wasn't my son, I'd do the same thing.

Kirsten: This house just seems so empty
(Topless construction worker enters)
Sandy: And yet so full, full of sweaty shirtless men, you'd think you would be in heaven!

Luke (to Seth): You've got some willpower 'cause she's got a killer rack.

Luke (Playing video games): Come on Chino try and hurt me, make me feel pain, wound me!
Seth: Do you know how much money Luke spends on these games that he could use for therapy?
Ryan: I think he could consider this therapy.

Ryan (to Seth): So you learned how to work a grill. You've got one up on your mom.

Sandy: Kirsten loves to shop, even for the unborn.

Sandy (To Caleb): Hey, I could be wearing a wire, you sure you don't wanna frisk me?

Sandy (to Archie): Don't you ever get married. And if you do, don't have kids.

Sandy (to Kirsten): My house is torn apart and construction has nothing to do with it.

Sandy: In the meantime, could you please try to convince the fellas here to wear something in a shirt. The neighbors are starting to refer to my home as "The Manhole."

Sandy (to Kirsten): Right now it's not about what he knows. It's about what he feels.

Sandy: I've always liked Luke. Kind of a big Golden Retriever.
Ryan: Actually, he kinda is.

Sandy: Ryan had to do what he had to do.
Seth: Okay, well so do I.

Sandy (To Ryan): You and me, unbeatable combination.

Sandy: Sometimes the best thing is for a kid to have some space.
Kirsten: The Pacific Ocean? That's not enough space? I'm tired of waiting for that. Bring him home Sandy. Bring him home.

Sandy: Hey, there's plenty of good restaurants in Newport.
Seth: I thought you said all the restaurants in Newport were overpriced and oversauced.
Sandy: I have this thing about sauces. Less is more.

Seth: It's a two-for-one special on brooding young men.

Seth: You can't tell me for 17 years everything wrong with Newport, and just expect me to come back. You can't do that.

Seth: If you see any more naked fat guys be sure to let Luke know!

Seth (to Ryan): Hobos are hot again.

Seth (to Ryan): They don't even have a water polo team here. That I can't handle... We don't have to hug or anything do we?

Ryan: How'd you make it all the way to Portland from Newport on that little catamaran?
Seth: Hm. Well, Ryan, sit down, my son. It was a long and torturous journey, and I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna share gory details with you—
Ryan: Please don't.
Seth: —'cause we're friends. First, I sailed to Catalina. Then, I sailed to Santa Barbara. Santa Barbara, I ran out of snacks. Freaked out a little bit, pawned my boat for cash, took a Greyhound to Portland.
Ryan: You took a bus.
Seth: Yeah. But don't say it like that, cause they're not cool. Have you ever been in one of those? Okay, not for the faint of heart.
Ryan: I can't believe after all that you took a bus.
Seth: Yeah. I think we're definitely going to have to come up with a better story for school though, that'd be good.
Ryan: I don't know, I like the bus idea. It's cool.
Seth: Okay, what about maybe... boat sank, saved by whales? It's very Whale Rider.
Ryan: What else you got?
Seth: I took a boat, boat sank, saved by a mermaid? Boat sank, stranded on a desert island...

Summer: The more time I spend with Zach, the less times I think about ... God, what's his face? Built like a bean pole, curly hair, runs away like a little bitch on his sailboat, leaving nothing but a note for his girlfriend who cried over and over for him until the Fourth of July until she decides she doesn't cry over bitches on sailboats.
Marissa: Seth. His name. It's Seth.
Summer: I know. I'm just doing this thing were I pretend I don't and I have to use a lot of descriptive insults to give voice to my inner pain.

Summer (to Marissa): Damn girl! Break me off a piece of dat.

Summer: I feel like my flesh is melting. I just hope it melts evenly.

Summer: You're looking a little thin.
Marissa: I eat.
Summer: Okay.

Summer (To Captain Oats): I hope we can still be friends.

Summer: Well my therapist said the best thing I can do to move on in my life, is to divest myself of Seth's material possessions. (Kirsten looks confused) I've got to dump off a bunch of his crap.

Theresa: The only reason you stayed was because of this baby. And now there's no baby.
Ryan: You don't want me to come home.
Theresa: You don't want to come home.

Theresa's mom: Did you tell him? (Theresa nods) Did he believe you?
Theresa: Yeah, I think so.
02 . boob approval

The Perfect Couple [15 May 2004|11:45pm]
(Summer kisses Seth)
Summer: I...I just can't help it. And I certainly can't explain it - You didn't tell anyone?
Seth: Of course not.
Summer: 'Cause I'll kill you.
Seth: No, I believe you.

Marissa: It's times like these when a girl needs her boyfriend most.
Ryan: Boyfriend? ...never been one of those before.

Seth: What's that smell?
Anna: Perfume.
Seth: Smells like woodchips... in a rose garden.

Summer: No, god! No!
Seth: Uh, what's happening here?
Summer: I like Seth Cohen!
Seth: You, uh... you what now?
Summer: Nothing! I wasn't talking to you. But if you tell anyone what you heard here, I'll kill you.

Marissa: Then what about dad?
Julie: Honey, we have no future together.
Marissa: Neither do we.

Summer: What is Seth Cohen doing with Tinkerbell? She's from Pittsburgh. That's like the 909 of the East.
Marissa: Anna's cool
Summer: She's a little scammer; first thing she does is go after Caleb Nichols' grandson. It's like totally obvious.
Marissa: Yes it is. That you’re jealous. You like Seth Cohen.

Seth: Yo.
Anna: What up holmes?
Seth: Chillin'
Anna: A'ight

Seth: So get this. Uh, Anna thinks all I ever do is talk about Summer. I mean that's crazy right?
Ryan: Want me to lie?
Seth: I'm that guy?, Dude how can I be that guy, I hate that guy. Well then no wonder Summer doesn't have any interest in me cause apparently all I do is talk about Summer although you'd think she'd like that.
Ryan: You’re doing it again.
Seth: Right.

Seth: So when you lost your virginity, I was playing Magic the Gathering.
Ryan: You still play Magic.
Seth: Yeah, but not as much.

Seth: Wait hang on, I'm not going anywhere until somebody tells me what happened last night, Mom please fill me in. MOM! I. Oh I get it, I'm just here for the comic relief.

Kirsten: (talking to Ryan after walking in on him with Marissa) This never happened with Seth.

Kirsten: We're leaving.
Sandy: But I wore a jacket!

Ryan: Marissa, this event is important, and on a yacht, and whenever I go to one of these things, someone gets in a fight.

Sandy: So, in theory, Julia Cooper could eventually become your step-mother.
Kirsten: Don't even say it.

Rachel: Sandy Cohen, you're cheating on me...with your wife.

(Marissa's in her closet, looking for a dress.)
Marissa: I forgot I had this dress.
Ryan: Happens to me all the time.

Ryan: Sometimes I think you talk just to make sounds.
Seth: Sometimes I do.

Ryan: I'm usually climbing out the window, or back into the front seat...
Marissa: OK, enough sharing.

Summer: Stop! I do not like Seth Cohen! I mean, I can't like Seth Cohen. He's like... Seth Cohen.
02 . boob approval

The Countdown [15 May 2004|11:32pm]
Marissa: I don't know... Russell Crowe, he just doesn't do anything for me. People say he's good looking but I don't see it.

Sandy: You guys need anything?
Seth: Yes. Ryan needs a tear in the space time continuum so he can go back and say 'I love you' to Marissa.

Sandy: Hey, Sandy Cohen, pleasure swinging with you.

Seth: I don't even know enough people to cause this much damage.

Sandy: I should really learn how to knock. In case there's a threesome going on in my bedroom.

Kirsten: Your whole life is dedicated to having fun... are you even having any?

Sandy: She's crammed that poor Tivo full of every E! Hollywood Special ... I think she's looking for tips.
Sandy: She's either run out of money, or ... she's run out of money.

Seth: Okay that’s a lot of genitalia in my pool.

Seth: Separate seats, you guys. Come on, there's no sex in the champagne room.

Ryan: Well I didn't want you to be alone.
Seth: I'm not alone. I have Captain Oats and Carson Daly.

Summer: You know what they say, how you bring in the New Year is how you live the rest of it.

Marissa (after kissing Ryan): I love you!
Ryan: Um...Thank you!

Seth: I'll probably just do what Ryan and Marissa are doing.
Hailey: That little short girl next door?
Seth: No, [raises hand above head] puberty happened.

Ryan: Great, its 74 minutes 'til new year's, my girlfriend's gonna end up kissing some guy, and im locked in a pool house with a lunatic!

Seth: (pulling shirt down) Oh. Check this out, though.
Hailey: Ohh. Chest hair.
(Seth pumps fist)

(talking about Ryan and Marissa)
Kirsten: She said I love you.
Sandy: So what did you say back?
Seth: (answering for Ryan) Thank you.
Ryan: (to Seth) Thank you.
Sandy: Well that was polite.
Seth: Quite so.

Summer: (breaking off a kiss) You're not Seth Cohen.
Guy: Who's Seth Cohen.
Summer: (flustered) Huh? I wasn't... I wasn't talking to you. Umm...I gotta go. Happy New Year.

(at end of episode)
Ryan: I love you.
Marissa: What?
Ryan: I love you.
Marissa: (happy, almost says I love you) Thank you.

Seth: Oh my god, I'm claustraphobic.
Ryan: We're locked in a poolhouse with a kitchen and bathroom.
Seth: Ryan. stop using all the air!
Ryan: Want a shower or a sandwhich? We have all that here.
Seth: We're trapped like rats!
Ryan: Yeah, rats in a gaint pool house!

(as Sandy and Kirsten leave)
Seth: Love you guys.
Sandy: Thank YOU!

Seth: Carson Daley and a ball dropping. There is two images that never should be said in the same sentence.
boob approval

The Homecoming [15 May 2004|11:31pm]
Sandy [wondering why Anna isn't with her family]: So Anna, What's the deal? Your parents don't believe in celebrating the genocide of the American Indians?
Anna: Uh, no, it's kind of challenging to sit at a table with the Sterns of Pittsburgh and still have an appetite. It's sort of an anathema to the whole spirit of Thanksgiving.

Summer: Back so soon? 'cause I was just... Eww!!! I mean... not eww, you are very attractive, for a dad... distinguised... oh my god!

Sandy: The boys and I made a pact.
Kirsten: A pact?
Sandy: A solemn promise.
Kirsten: When was this?
Sandy: You were in the bathroom.

Ryan: Titans. What about Legion? That was kinda cooler.
Seth: The guy is in prison, man. Have you seen Oz? But, yeah, Legion was kinda cooler.

Seth: Hey did you guys hear? Ryan's funny now.

Anna: So, this is your crib? This is where all the magic happens?
Seth: Well, if by magic, you're referring to the card game, then, sadly, yes.

Seth: Nothing says Thanksgiving like Moo Shu Pork.

Seth: Ryan. That's extremely minty of you. I didn't even know they had musicals in Chino. I didn't even know they had dancing. Or... laughter.
Ryan: That's because no one who lived there is as funny as you.
Seth: So, we finally agree I'm the funny one. Well look at that! Looks like we all learned some valuable lessons this Thanksgiving.

Anna (to Summer): Summer?
Summer (to Anna): Anna?
Both: SETH!!
Anna: I kissed you!
Summer: I kissed you!
(Anna walks away)
Seth: (to Anna) Wait, don't go!
Anna: You dont want me to go?
Summer: You dont want her to go?
(Anna leaves)
Seth: Wait!
(Seth holds back on whether to choose Anna or Summer)
(Julie and Caleb laugh)

(Kirstin is running the blender loudly)
Seth: Marissa's in Chino.
Kirstin: What?!
Seth: I said, Marissa's in Chino!
Kirstin: WHAT?!
Seth: I said, (Kirstin turns off the blender) MARISSA'S IN CHINO!
Julie: What?!

(When Kirsten sees Seth with Anna and Summer)
Kirsten: I always knew you were a late bloomer sweetie.
Seth: Thanks Mom

Seth: OK Mom, you're dangerously close to the corn now- step back.

Sandy: (Referring to Caleb and Julie) It's the gruesome twosome!

Seth: You know what I dream about when I dream about Thanksgiving, which is often? I dream about eating so much deliciousness that all the blood rushes to my stomach and I pass out at the table. Please don't deny me that.

Marissa: Why do we have to spend Thanksgiving with him? He's creepy.
Jimmy: Caleb's not creepy. He's just...scary.

Seth: The other night, on my grandfather's yacht, Summer attacked me with her lips. And she swore if I told anyone she would kill me. Yeah, she's got an interesting take on romance.

Seth: I liked it so much better when you had no sense of humor.
boob approval

The Secret [15 May 2004|11:30pm]
Luke: Maybe I should just blow it off. Hit the beach. Let people get it out of their systems.
Ryan: No, it doesn't work like that. It's been three months and I'm still the kid from Chino who burned a house down.
Marissa: And I'm still the girl who tried to kill herself in Mexico.
Seth: Yeah ... and I'm still - I'm still - well, I'm still Seth Cohen.

Ryan: Maybe you've got the Summer flu.
Seth: Yeah, it's November, but it's possible.
Ryan: Maybe you need some Anna-biotics.

Seth: You can't blame me for wanting the company of both of you.

Sandy: You need to trust that you can tell me things I might not want to hear.

Seth: Definitely. I'm not scared of Summer and Anna. [pauses] Well, I'm not scared of Anna.

Seth: You and Luke? Holy unholy alliance!

Sandy: You're gonna be late for yogalates.
Kirsten: I think I might not go.

(in other conversations, Sandy continues bringing up yogalates)
Kirsten: You like saying yogalates don't you?
Sandy: Yogalates (he smiles)
Ryan: Yogalates.
Sandy: Yogalates.

(after the yogalates discussion by Sandy, Kirsten and Ryan)
Kirsten(To Seth): You know what I'd like to know?
Sandy: Yogalates?
Kirsten(To Seth): Why are these two being so smug?
Seth: Because for once they didn't do anything wrong.
Sandy: That's right.(To Ryan) Good on ya buddy.
Ryan: Back at ya.
(They clank glasses)
Kirsten: Enjoy it while you can boys, cause knowing you two, it won't last very long.
Sandy: Yogalattes.

Julie: Have you eaten?
Kirsten: What do you have in mind?
Julie: Fried chicken and beer.
Kirsten: Lets go first rounds on me.

(Runs into Summer and Anna)
Seth: H-hi Summer...and Anna...hanging out together. Wow. Wow, that's...awkward.
Anna: Not really.
Seth: I meant for me.

Sandy: Oh, the SUMMER flu... I just got it. (pats Ryan on the shoulder) That was a good one.

Ryan: I was just over there. They seemed really happy.
Seth: Yeah? And by happy, do you mean... (whispers) gay?
boob approval

The Third Wheel [15 May 2004|10:57pm]
Sandy: Anyone going to be doing drugs?
Seth: I hope so. Otherwise it'd be a lame rock concert.

Sandy: Now, get going. Your mother and I want some time alone.
Seth: Hey, there's a visual that I don't want to take with me tonight.
Sandy: Well, son, your mom's a hottie and I got her.

Ryan: All her friends want to kick her ass. Sorry about the language.
Sandy: Why? I want to kick her ass.

Luke: New Year's resolution: punch people less.
Ryan: Yeah. Mine, too

Seth: Okay, here's the thing, um...Anna and I have decided to take it to the next level and I need some advice.
Ryan: You're going to have sex?
Seth: No, but that's a good idea, though.

Summer: Are you checking out dudes again Cohen?

Seth: If Summer kills me... you've been like a brother to me.

Seth: [to a singing Luke] Hey man, you know who sings this song?
Luke: Rooney!!!
Seth: Yeah. And it should stay that way.

(playing football on playstation)
Luke: Hey Cohen check out the instant replay I broke that bitch in half!
Seth: Luke has a gay dad, Luke has a gay dad. Wow that's great buddy!

Seth: Dude. I cannot believe you live in the penthouse. This place is ridiculous.

Sandy: Hey, Connect Four was happening. It gets my blood up.

Luke: Rooney did not suck at all!

Marissa: Have we become one of those couples?
Ryan: Who lose all their friends?"
Marissa: And can't do anything without each other?
Ryan: I don't think so. Do you think so?

(after Hailey talks about Marissa and Oliver)
Ryan: Just keep twisting the knife, feels good!

Seth: You're going to miss one hell of a show! And Rooney's not that bad, either. (Smirks)

(discussing Hailey)
Kirsten: She's got nowhere else to go.
Ryan: That's because all of her friends want to kick her ass. Sorry about the language.
Sandy: Why? I want to kick her ass.

Luke: Which's one's Rooney?
Marissa: They're ALL Rooney.
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The Proposal [15 May 2004|10:57pm]
Summer : Was I really mean to you?
Seth : No. That would have required you to speak to me. For anyone to speak to me.
Summer : A lot's changed in a year, huh?

Luke : Yeah. Maybe I'll show up in Portland and fall for the chick dating the captain of the football team.
Ryan : That can kick your ass.
Luke : Yeah. Welcome to Portland, bitch.

Summer: Do you see this hammer in my hand?
Seth : Yeah, let me find that stud ... finder. What's it look like?
Summer: And a level.
Seth: What is a level?
Summer: Don't you know what a level is?
Seth: Yeah, it's something you advance to in a video game.
Summer: That's funny ... yeah. The tool doesn't know about tools.

Kirsten: My dad is marrying Julie Cooper. Julie Cooper ... is my step-mom.
Sandy: Maybe we'll get you another bottle.
Jimmy: Yeah, drink up.
Kirsten: This is an unholy alliance. This is two storm fronts colliding. This is the apocalypse for us all.

Julie; The phone calls, the emails-- I had to block you from my buddy list, you were so incessant.
Luke: You blocked me? I thought you were just offline.

Summer: You don't like hardware stores. You cry during chick flicks. Next thing you're gonna tell me that you walk in on Ryan changing.
Seth: Com'on that's crazy. Hey, let's go to the hardware store.

Seth: Hey, oh ... sorry. I'm surprised that hasn't happpened before. Not saying I'm disappointed it hasn't happened before just saying the mathmatical probability of ...
Ryan: Yeah, crying during chick flicks, walking in on me getting dressed ...
Seth: Yeah, what's your point? K, I'm not seeing what you're getting at? Do you work out?
Ryan: Not really.
Seth: Cool, me neither. I'm gonna go watch some hockey.
Ryan: Hockey season's over.
Seth: Damnit. Where you going?
Ryan: Gonna go find Luke. Beat the crap out of him.
Seth: Oh, where shall this can of whoop-ass be opened?

Summer: Ugh, how can you live like this? Your t-shirts are touching your sweaters.

Luke: Just one more thing before I go... will you forgive me?
Marrissa: Yeah... yes.

Kirsten : No, there is nothing good about what's happened here. I mean, this marriage is an astroid that has hit the earth. Now we just have to wait to see what species survives.

Seth : I did it. Look.
Summer : Wow, you hit a nail. Bob Villa's your bitch, Cohen.

Kirsten : What's with dad these days? He's all warm and mushy.
Hailey : I don't know. Maybe it's the new blood thining medication he's on.

Seth (Making hand motions to Summer) : I'm gonna go pee. Ok. So if anyone asks, that's where I am. For a while.
Ryan : Right.
Marissa : He's getting weirder.
Ryan : I didn't think that was possible.

Ryan (to Marissa) : You know what we haven't done in a while? (then they lean in for the kiss.)

Luke : Yeah, like you guys will talk to me. No one will talk to me.
Seth : Yeah, well, sleeping with your ex-girlfriend's mom kinda yields that result.

Ryan : Are you ok?
Marissa : Yeah. It's just really sad.
Ryan : It's just the movie right? That's the reason for the tears?
Marissa : Yes, I'm emotionally stable. Besides, I'm not the only one crying.
Seth : I'm sorry? What? I'm allergic. There is so much pollen in here. It's ridiculous.
Marissa : It's ok.

Marissa : I don't know. Cause the guy I lost my virginity to had sex with my mom?
Seth : Oh, right. I remember that.

Summer : Why don't we have a slumber party? I'll sleep over.
Seth : Yeah, no we all will. And, and, in fact, we'll sleep in shifts, that way one of us can be up at all times.
Marissa : Doing what?
Summer : Hey, whatever you need us to do.

Marissa : Ok guys. I can drink a cold beverage.

Seth : Look, I'm all for getting it on in exotic locales, but I think your best friend's bedroom just's really... disheveled. Wow. I like what she's done with the place. The cardboard boxes... It feels very... I'm getting, like, a garage sale vibe.

Summer : You're such a dandy, Cohen.
Seth : You're a dandy, woman.

Seth : Summer did the all the building,and the heavy lifting, and the wiring of the electronics. But I did the painting. I know you're a Paris fan.

Seth : Yeah, she'll watch over you. With her care bear stare.
Ryan : How do you know about the care bear stare?

Seth: Oh no! No! The wall wasn't supposed to break!
Summer: That's because you need to find the studs Cohen!
Seth: Oh Summer, I think we've already found a stud.
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The Rivals [15 May 2004|10:55pm]
(Discussing Danny)
Sandy: Whoa, that kid is not funny.
Seth: Thank you. I know.
Sandy: He makes Ryan look funny
Seth: He makes Marissa look funny.
Sandy: Gentiles. I love your mother more than words, but not funny. Get yourself some funnier friends.

Seth: Let me ask you something, am I dating the female me? Like me, but as a girl?

Julie: If you stopped open heart surgery half way through it'd look like murder.

Seth: Oliver might be crazy, you might be right, but right now you're giving him a run for his money.

Seth: That letter is like 'The Ring', anyone who reads it dies.

Seth: He watches Leno. That explains everything.

Kirsten: Aspirational? Is that even a word?

Sandy: Hi. I'm Sandy.
Danny: Then why don't you go take a shower?
Sandy: [confused]
Danny: It's okay, I like you dirty.

Danny: She thinks you're really funny. You and Captain Oats.

Summer: I guess I really will end up bitter and alone.

Seth: I know Jon Stewart's no Leno, but, you know...

(discussing running The Lighthouse)
Jimmy: Two summers. And I was stoned, and drunk, in college. It was the Eighties.

(discussing Oliver with Ryan)
Seth: Gee, new guys shows up. Violent, angry, prone to punching people. That'd be weird.

(disciplining Ryan for the break in)
Ryan: (angry, with himself) Okay, I screwed up yet again. (dejected) So know what? You're going to kick me out?
(Kirsten and Sandy knows he's being serious)
Sandy: You think you can mess up so bad we'll just give up on you? You can't. You are part of this family now and you're going to feel the full weight of that. You're going to wish we threw you out.
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