Sandy: Whoa, that kid is not funny.
Seth: Thank you. I know.
Sandy: He makes Ryan look funny
Seth: He makes Marissa look funny.
Sandy: Gentiles. I love your mother more than words, but not funny. Get yourself some funnier friends.
Seth: Let me ask you something, am I dating the female me? Like me, but as a girl?
Julie: If you stopped open heart surgery half way through it'd look like murder.
Seth: Oliver might be crazy, you might be right, but right now you're giving him a run for his money.
Seth: That letter is like 'The Ring', anyone who reads it dies.
Seth: He watches Leno. That explains everything.
Kirsten: Aspirational? Is that even a word?
Sandy: Hi. I'm Sandy.
Danny: Then why don't you go take a shower?
Danny: It's okay, I like you dirty.
Danny: She thinks you're really funny. You and Captain Oats.
Summer: I guess I really will end up bitter and alone.
Seth: I know Jon Stewart's no Leno, but, you know...
(discussing running The Lighthouse)
Jimmy: Two summers. And I was stoned, and drunk, in college. It was the Eighties.
(discussing Oliver with Ryan)
Seth: Gee, new guys shows up. Violent, angry, prone to punching people. That'd be weird.
(disciplining Ryan for the break in)
Ryan: (angry, with himself) Okay, I screwed up yet again. (dejected) So know what? You're going to kick me out?
(Kirsten and Sandy knows he's being serious)
Sandy: You think you can mess up so bad we'll just give up on you? You can't. You are part of this family now and you're going to feel the full weight of that. You're going to wish we threw you out.