Sandy: And this coming from a guy who is one click away from wearing a wig and a fake mustache.
Caleb: Do you hear a clicking on the phone? Every time I pick up the phone I hear a clicking.
Julie: Okay, Nixon. Paranoid, much? What's going on Cal? You're either hopped up on blow or something's seriously wrong.
Jimmy (about Hailey): Yeah we are doing great, she is fantastic, sweet, limber. How about you and Caleb?
Julie: Not so limber
Jimmy: So what's going on in your life?
Julie: Aside from our daughter being the spawn of Chucky and Keith Moon?
Julie: I’m taking Caitlin to look at new ponies
Caleb: What's wrong with China?
Julie: China has alopitia, I was hoping that the hair treatments would work but still bald as a baby's ass!
Julie: It's just not right for a little girl to love a hairless pony.
Kirsten (to Summer): For the record, if he wasn't my son, I'd do the same thing.
Kirsten: This house just seems so empty
(Topless construction worker enters)
Sandy: And yet so full, full of sweaty shirtless men, you'd think you would be in heaven!
Luke (to Seth): You've got some willpower 'cause she's got a killer rack.
Luke (Playing video games): Come on Chino try and hurt me, make me feel pain, wound me!
Seth: Do you know how much money Luke spends on these games that he could use for therapy?
Ryan: I think he could consider this therapy.
Ryan (to Seth): So you learned how to work a grill. You've got one up on your mom.
Sandy: Kirsten loves to shop, even for the unborn.
Sandy (To Caleb): Hey, I could be wearing a wire, you sure you don't wanna frisk me?
Sandy (to Archie): Don't you ever get married. And if you do, don't have kids.
Sandy (to Kirsten): My house is torn apart and construction has nothing to do with it.
Sandy: In the meantime, could you please try to convince the fellas here to wear something in a shirt. The neighbors are starting to refer to my home as "The Manhole."
Sandy (to Kirsten): Right now it's not about what he knows. It's about what he feels.
Sandy: I've always liked Luke. Kind of a big Golden Retriever.
Ryan: Actually, he kinda is.
Sandy: Ryan had to do what he had to do.
Seth: Okay, well so do I.
Sandy (To Ryan): You and me, unbeatable combination.
Sandy: Sometimes the best thing is for a kid to have some space.
Kirsten: The Pacific Ocean? That's not enough space? I'm tired of waiting for that. Bring him home Sandy. Bring him home.
Sandy: Hey, there's plenty of good restaurants in Newport.
Seth: I thought you said all the restaurants in Newport were overpriced and oversauced.
Sandy: I have this thing about sauces. Less is more.
Seth: It's a two-for-one special on brooding young men.
Seth: You can't tell me for 17 years everything wrong with Newport, and just expect me to come back. You can't do that.
Seth: If you see any more naked fat guys be sure to let Luke know!
Seth (to Ryan): Hobos are hot again.
Seth (to Ryan): They don't even have a water polo team here. That I can't handle... We don't have to hug or anything do we?
Ryan: How'd you make it all the way to Portland from Newport on that little catamaran?
Seth: Hm. Well, Ryan, sit down, my son. It was a long and torturous journey, and I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna share gory details with you—
Ryan: Please don't.
Seth: —'cause we're friends. First, I sailed to Catalina. Then, I sailed to Santa Barbara. Santa Barbara, I ran out of snacks. Freaked out a little bit, pawned my boat for cash, took a Greyhound to Portland.
Ryan: You took a bus.
Seth: Yeah. But don't say it like that, cause they're not cool. Have you ever been in one of those? Okay, not for the faint of heart.
Ryan: I can't believe after all that you took a bus.
Seth: Yeah. I think we're definitely going to have to come up with a better story for school though, that'd be good.
Ryan: I don't know, I like the bus idea. It's cool.
Seth: Okay, what about maybe... boat sank, saved by whales? It's very Whale Rider.
Ryan: What else you got?
Seth: I took a boat, boat sank, saved by a mermaid? Boat sank, stranded on a desert island...
Summer: The more time I spend with Zach, the less times I think about ... God, what's his face? Built like a bean pole, curly hair, runs away like a little bitch on his sailboat, leaving nothing but a note for his girlfriend who cried over and over for him until the Fourth of July until she decides she doesn't cry over bitches on sailboats.
Marissa: Seth. His name. It's Seth.
Summer: I know. I'm just doing this thing were I pretend I don't and I have to use a lot of descriptive insults to give voice to my inner pain.
Summer (to Marissa): Damn girl! Break me off a piece of dat.
Summer: I feel like my flesh is melting. I just hope it melts evenly.
Summer: You're looking a little thin.
Marissa: I eat.
Summer (To Captain Oats): I hope we can still be friends.
Summer: Well my therapist said the best thing I can do to move on in my life, is to divest myself of Seth's material possessions. (Kirsten looks confused) I've got to dump off a bunch of his crap.
Theresa: The only reason you stayed was because of this baby. And now there's no baby.
Ryan: You don't want me to come home.
Theresa: You don't want to come home.
Theresa's mom: Did you tell him? (Theresa nods) Did he believe you?
Theresa: Yeah, I think so.