Alex: I've never listened to my own parents. Suddenly I feel compelled to listen to yours.
Seth: Sandy Cohen has that effect on people.
Alex (to Seth): What's the point Seth? It's not like they're ever going to approve of me.
Caleb (to Julie): We are far from the perfect family. I see no reason to lie about it publicly.
DJ: I’m not saying you didn’t like me. Just not as much as you hate her.
Julie: This photo shoot is important. You could at least feign interest.
Caleb: That's exactly what I'm doing.
Julie (to DJ): The Nichol on the end of my last name means that I can write you a check with a few zeroes on the end of it.
Kirsten: You planned all this?
Sandy: I prefer the term orchestrated.
Kirsten: Lovely tattoo.
Alex: Thanks. Your husband rocks by the way.
Kirsten: Please don't tell him that.
Lindsey: Great. Two hours ago I had a sister and a boyfriend. Now all I have are friends.
Marissa: Who's Kofi Annan?
Summer: Some guy Zach's mom knows. I think he works for United Airlines.
Sandy: Nothing like a little Julie Cooper to strike terror in the hearts of children everywhere.
Sandy: Who forgets their 20th Anniversary?
Kirsten: Apparently you!
Sandy: It's Bill O'Reilly, that will be punishment enough!
Sandy: Yeah, but seeing how he’s a teenage boy and you’ve got tattoos and run a rock and roll club, I’m not expecting any miracles.
Sandy (to Kirsten): Look on the bright side, we get all of this out of the way before Valentine's Day.
Sandy (to Kirsten): We can't fight a war on multiple fronts. Have we learned nothing from the Nazis?
Sandy (to Alex): I'm not the cops. Much worse - I'm Seth's dad.
Seth (to Alex): I'm here for my after school tutorial on the art of gettin' it on.
Seth (to Ryan): The key to lying is to remain vague. Have I taught you nothing?
Seth: If you're alone, cough twice.
Ryan: I'm alone.
Seth: I call this part "prepping the oven."
Summer (to Marissa): It wasn't supposed to happen like this. I was supposed to have sex first.
Summer (to Marissa): What's French for 'let's have sex'? Voulez poulez something. Why can't they teach us stuff we need?
Zach: Have you seen the new Whedon X-men?