Julie: It would be hard for Sandy's news to top the best idea ever.
Julie (to Kirsten, Caleb & Sandy): Why wouldn't America be fascinated with the lives of Orange County's rich and glamorous? We're all beautiful and we're all dysfunctional.
Kirsten to Julie: Oh my. There's so much you here.
Kirsten: We have ordered enough for a small army.
Kirsten: You've earned more than a massage.
Sandy: Where I come from that could only mean one thing.
Lindsay (to Ryan about Marissa): Yeah, me and the Cosmo girl, that wouldn't be weird at all.
Marissa (to Summer): Oh my God, I loved Full House, but then my favorite charactor was DJ so that's ruined.
Marissa (to Ryan): Clearly its going to be strange for us for a while.
Ryan: Have you heard about it?
Seth: Heard about it? I have an 80-foot mock-up in my front something.
Ryan (to a very drunk Lindsay): How much did you drink tonight?
Lindsay: I dunno, as much as Marissa.
Ryan: That's a lot.
Sandy: Okay, honey, I don't want to alarm you, but there's a giant Julie Cooper on the table.
Sandy: It's my fault. I've once again gotten caught up in this nasty game of Hungry, Hungry Hippo.
Sandy: Ask me while you're giving me the massage. I'm inclined to say yes.
Seth (to Alex): Well, part of the ABCs of the X is to step aside for the I and the U.
Seth (to Zach): Listen to me, Okay. Tonight Newport is our bitch.
Seth: I've got a lot of testosterone pumping. Testosterone being the key ingredient missing in Alex's previous relationship.
Seth (about Alex's ex): Did you meet the ex? I know you did.
Ryan: Alright, yes I did!
Seth: And? Who is he?
Ryan: He? He's a she.
Seth (about Alex's ex being a girl): There's only one thing I can do to make it ok.
Zack: You're gonna hook up with a guy?
Seth (to Phillip): I'm sorry. Sometimes Bruce Banner turns into the Hulk.
Seth (to Ryan): Dude, I'm a man in the desert. I'm dying of thirst and you've got a thermos of Kool-Aid. Gimme a sip.
Seth (to Alex): So where is she 'cause I will totally fight a girl.
Seth (to Alex): The hair, the tattoos, the whiskey and cigarettes for breakfast. Well, I've seen the Banger Sisters and I know how the story ends.
Seth: I know I should apologize. It's just my pride.
Ryan: What pride?
Seth: Yeah, I guess there's nothing standing in my way.
Summer: Zach's turning the locker room into a Lifetime movie.
Summer (to Zach): I love surprises. Especially if they're named Jimmy Choo.
Summer (to Zach): Am I about to get whacked?
Summer (to Zach): I'm sorry for being Ultra-Bitch 2000 tonight.
Zach (to Seth & Ryan): Have you seen the infomercials for Girls Gone Wild. Because this is exactly how they get started.